Matthew 21: 23-32
As many of you well know, it is certainly clear that Jesus reserved different remarks for different audiences. Jesus taught based on who was asking questions and who was listening. For example, last week we heard: "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Peter was in the main audience. So, I wonder who else was in the crowd who heard Jesus today other than the elders and religious leaders. I wonder if Jesus is not also speaking to parents particularly like the parents of the controversial book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.
Did you hear about that book that came out this past winter? The author, Amy Chua describes her efforts to give her children what she describes as a traditional, strict upbringing arguing that "academic achievement reflects successful parenting." Chua believes that if children did not excel at school then there was "a problem" and parents "were not doing their job." Chua advocates that in the long run it is better to parent strictly rather than by any method where the "child's self-esteem is paramount."
In one extreme example, Chua described how she got her unwilling younger daughter to learn a very difficult piano piece. In Chua's words, "I hauled Lulu's dollhouse to the car and told her I'd donate it to the Salvation Army piece by piece if she didn't have a piano piece called the "The Little White Donkey" perfect by the next day. When Lulu said, 'I thought you were going to the Salvation Army, why are you still here?' I threatened her with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas presents, and no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn't do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic." Chua then relates that they "work[ed] right through dinner" without letting her daughter "get up, not for water, not even for bathroom breaks." The anecdote concludes by describing how her daughter was "beaming" after she finally mastered the piece and "wanted to play [it] over and over."
Wow! Perhaps from that example we can see why that book created such controversy. But, here's the thing: many parents -- whether they're Chinese, Hispanic, American, Korean or Italian -- dream dreams for their child. Many parents want the very best for their children even if parents sometimes feel personally unable to deliver those dreams.
Not only do many parents want the very best for their children, I believe many parents imagine their children as successful, well-rounded, involved, both interested and interesting. And obedient – many parents yearn for healthy obedience. When parents give instructions, we want our children to respond --- not after the program ends, not after texting their friend, but right now. Parents try to map out a course of healthy obedience that will lead to success.
But success and obedience at what price? Just how far are parents willing to go to get the response they expect from their offspring? According to Chua, no price is too high. Nothing less will be tolerated. This tiger mom will prevail because she is convinced that parents alone know what is best for their children.
Perhaps tiger parents are wandering in that crowd today for Jesus tells about a parent who had two very different sons. That is interesting from a single man with no children. Yet, I wonder if Jesus doesn't get it right.
Jesus tells a story which reveals the traits of the parent who has hopes and dreams for the children, and yet a parent that at the same time also displays compassion and understanding. Jesus describes a father whose expectations are clear. "Go work in the field," he says with authority. The response; the first son refuses outright, yet after reflection, thinks better of his rebellion and goes out to the vineyard. Despite his initial resistance, he obeys his father.
The second son is more devious. He puts on a good face and immediately agrees with his father's request; however, his actions do not measure up to his words. He ignores his father's wishes and never appears in the vineyard. Jesus asks the critical question in the parable, "Which of the two did the will of his father?" Parents like the tiger mom might have issued a punishment to both sons -- the first would be reprimanded for threatening to disobey and the other for actually ignoring the father.
Jesus, however, speaks of a parent with a forgiving heart and is able to see a bigger picture. It's not the first son's words that are important to Jesus, but his actions. If you think about it, surprisingly, Jesus allows room for complaining and verbal resistance. The first son, despite his original reluctance and outward show of rebellion, follows the will of the parent and does the work to which he is called. The second son, however, only talks a good game. He promises much and produces nothing of value.
Jesus points out the difference in their actions to his listeners. The first son, like the tax collectors and the prostitutes --- Jesus informs his listeners --- is headed toward the kingdom of God. Despite the mistakes of the past, this son has now chosen the right route. The scheming, double-talking religious leaders, like the second son, are not kingdom bound. One cannot simply talk the talk of faith and obedience. One must walk the walk, even when it means backtracking from a poorly chosen path, and starting again.
However, as many of us know children are not always satisfied with explanations. We may be the same. Thus, today's parable may lead us to wonder, why do we say "No" in the first place? What fuels our refusal? We might say no because we're stubborn, afraid, doubtful, or we want to do something else. Given the choice -- labor in the field --- for example volunteer at the food bank, visit a sick neighbor, work on that fundraiser, forgive someone who did us wrong, reconcile with someone estranged from us --- or spend another hour in front of TV, or go party --- what would one choose?
Maybe the "No" grows out of a sense of being overworked. Could it be that the first son refuses his father because he believes he has already done enough for the father; perhaps the first son considers his contribution to the family to be extensive. Clearly the father thinks otherwise and is not prepared to offer his son an early retirement package. The parent sees what the son is capable of and demands more. May be the elder son has a "Who me?" moment -- haven't I already done enough for this family --- yet eventually responds obediently.
Or instead of wondering why we may say "no" we may wondering to ourselves, perhaps parents like God is too demanding? For example, can God demand too much of God's people? It might seem like it sometimes. So, the temptation might be to say to God's demands – "no, let someone else do it. I've already given." Or, "that's too much to ask of me." Or, "I think you mean someone else."
Today's gospel however offers hope for us who has ever pushed the snooze alarm one too many times or simply had enough and said "Thanks but no thanks." There is good news for any of us who doubt our ability to make a difference and decides not to even try. The first son clears the path for naysayers and hesitant, unsure wannabe disciples.
Unlike the "Tiger Mom," Jesus describes a parent who does not expect perfection. Rather, Jesus invites his followers to learn from their mistakes, put their failings behind them, and then choose to do the right thing. This is good news for some of us who can remember our moments of disobedience, or our times of ignoring the rules, or periods of poor choices.
Today is a message of welcome and an invitation to try again. Our past blunders will not be counted against us when they are followed by both a change of heart and a change of course. We will not be judged on our initial, often impulsive mistakes. Instead we will be judged on the choices that lead us ever closer to God. Jesus is willing to look past the rebellion and doubt in his followers and invites them to put their earlier poor choices behind them so that they can follow.
Finally, the parent in today's gospel issues a clear directive but also has confidence in the children's ability to follow it. The parent allows the sons to make their own decisions on their adherence to his command. Like the parent expressed in our gospel, Jesus is looking for followers who are not in mindless, lockstep precision but who, after reflection, are ready to grow and follow.
The kingdom of God is unlocked and the porch light has been left on to guide children home. God calls out to all people, "Come home." God is not like a tiger mom but fully and completely a loving and forgiving parent. All that is necessary is to ask ourselves "What do we need to put behind us so that we can go forward?"
Comments